So you’ve met a guy and he seems perfect for you…the only problem is he lives hours away. Long distance seems daunting, how do you practically navigate whether or not to attempt it.

What is your situation?

For me, long distance is a good fit because I work two jobs and don’t spend a lot of time in social outings. Phone calls, video calls, and weekend trips are easier to work into my schedule than if someone wanted to be able to hang out in person multiple nights a week. For others, the lack of in-person interaction is really challenging.

If you’ve already been dating for a while, you may have a better idea of how this will play out for both of you. If this is a new relationship, you can only evaluate what you personally are ready to do.

Types of Distance

It’s one thing to be dating someone at a different college two hours away and another to be in different time zone. Both have their own challenges and their own rewards, but looking at things such as your sleep schedule, work commitments, and expectations of what it means to be in a relationship are all important. 

Making Distance Work

Assuming you’re both Catholic, prayer is going to be the best help as you navigate long distance. My fiancé and I would pray Night Prayer from the Liturgy of the Hours a couple of nights a week together. Even if we didn’t have time for a long phone call, the ten minutes it took to pray before bed was a good check-in time that kept us connected to each other and to God.

Communication of expectations is also important.  If one of you is doing more of the traveling or has a more hectic schedule, it’s important to find the balance between talking enough to keep both of you feeling valued and connected. Unspoken expectations are a recipe for disappointment. You can’t meet an expectation that you don’t know about and your significant other can’t read your mind, especially at a distance.

Getting to know each other’s families is an interesting process whether you live five minutes apart or five hours apart. Finding ways to connect with his parents and siblings when you visit family while still making time and space to have focused time for the two of you is important. The ages of the family and the pre-existing relationship dynamics will impact what this process looks like. 

Long distance has some distinct advantages too. Spending the majority of your relationship on the phone, writing letters, or making trips to see one another forces you to be more intentional in your interactions and to get to know the other person for who they are. It can be all too easy to just enjoy spending time with someone without digging into the deeper topics when you see each other frequently. Distance makes it easier to get around to the harder conversations. 

Whether you’re dating someone near or far, the same ingredients make a good relationship and all relationships take work. It’s just a matter of finding the right fit for you relationship-wise.