Right before my fiancé and I got engaged, I knew that it was most likely going to happen soon. We had talked about it, had the same goals for our relationship, he had asked my dad for his permission to marry me, and we knew we were both ready for that commitment! So in my mind, I was super prepared for this life transition. What I didn’t necessarily expect was the variety of emotions that swept over me after getting engaged. I thought that since I was “prepared” and had discerned correctly, that I was only going to feel excitement and happiness 24/7 until the wedding day. I don’t know where this idea came from- but I soon learned that it wasn’t reality. 

I often found myself feeling very emotional about leaving home, grieving my childhood with my parents (I am an only child and was lucky enough to have an incredibly loving and supportive home growing up), feeling lots of stress about how much needed to be done before the wedding, and the fear of the unknown. Up until that point in my life I had followed a very structured path. I found a career in musical theatre I loved and was passionate about (and still very much am), I went to college and graduated in 3.5 years, and spent my summers working at professional theatres. All in all, I always had a sense of what was next and what to expect. But now after getting engaged, I had no idea what to expect. Absolutely zero clue what life held for me beyond knowing who I was going to marry. 

And that’s the whole point. 

It wasn’t until I began talking to other young women that had recently been married, and went back to therapy,  that I started to realize all of my feelings were normal. This sense of grief that I almost felt guilty about, was a very natural part of such a big transition. In most big life transitions, there is a sense of grieving something you are leaving behind along with the excitement of what is to come. I think society and social media paint a picture of this being the “happiest time of your life”, so it makes you question if something is wrong, even when it isn’t. 

If you’re feeling emotional, stressed, overwhelmed, and are having a hard time figuring out why- try to pinpoint the root of your stress. Does it have something to do with who you are marrying? How he reacts to you and treats you? If you are on the same page about the goals of your relationship? Does he share your faith? Do you trust him? Do you picture him being the father of your future children?

Or is it something else? Are you nervous about what married life will look like because you have never experienced it before? Are you harboring any wounds from previous relationships that are hindering your ability to trust your future spouse? Are you nervous to begin NFP (natural family planning)? Are you nervous for how your other relationships will change after you get married? Are you nervous for how your career might change after you get married? After you have kids? Are you scared to start sharing finances with your future spouse?

Yeah…that last paragraph is basically a look inside of my brain on any given day. And I really had to learn that feeling like this was okay. And to be honest, I sorta believe this is how God wants us to feel. We often grow the most within seasons that push us and make us uncomfortable. Now, I am at peace with these feelings and welcome them instead of push them away, because they always have something valuable to teach me. 

But I wouldn’t have been able to get here without first learning I wasn’t alone. By reaching out to other women, a great therapist, and my future spouse, and just being honest about how I was feeling, as well as lifting it all up in prayer, I began to feel a sense of relief knowing that what I was going through is just part of being engaged. I think that sometimes, as Catholics, there is an unspoken pressure to be always elated when marriage is on the table, and that we are so prayerful and have discerned so well that there is no way we could feel any other way. That feeling is actually from the devil. The devil wants nothing more than to isolate you and make you think you are the only one dealing with this. God wants to bring you healing! I promise, you can be the most prayerful person on earth and still struggle with a huge life change. In fact, if you told me you didn’t struggle at all, I wouldn’t believe you. 

Because of this journey into my own feelings, I have grown closer to my fiancé, closer to my parents, closer to God, and even closer to myself. I understand myself, and my emotions, in a much deeper way now. Part of our experience as humans is our ability to have feelings and emotions- in fact this is a huge gift from God! We are called to be curious about our feelings- curious to what is causing them and how they affect us. And curious about how we can use them to grow into the women God designed us to be, and the future-wife we soon will be. 

Guess what the devil HATES? Marriage between a holy man and a holy woman who genuinely desire to lead each other to heaven. That is because marriage is such a powerful experience that can be used to sanctify each other and grow closer with Jesus. How amazing is it that a man has chosen you for the rest of your life and wants to share the good times and the bad times with you? And that you have chosen him as your protector, as long as you shall live?

You are building something beautiful with God and your future spouse, it’s normal that it may make you feel a little “fearful, yet overjoyed” (Matthew 28:8). This week, I want you to reflect on the sacrificial and sanctifying powers of marriage. Remember that marriage does require sacrifice, which does not always feel easy in the moment. Look to the crucifix and remember that Jesus gave the ultimate sacrifice to save us from our sins. If you are single, how can you practice that sacrifice now? If you are engaged or married, how can you sacrifice yourself for your spouse? Because ultimately- that is what marriage is all about. And that is what sanctifies us and makes us better for both our spouse, and for the Lord.