I have a hard time asking for help. This carries over into my relationship with my husband as well….and then there’s frustration when I get overwhelmed. It doesn’t have to be this way!  We can ask for what we need. 99% of the time the person asked is ready and willing to jump in and offer support 110%.

I have taught the Creighton Model of FertilityCare^TM for many years, and after working with clients in every phase and stage of fertility, one observation I have made is that men WANT to support women in the journey through fertility- they just don’t know how. 

If you are engaged, newly married, or have been married for years, my best advice is to be open about NFP and fertility awareness!  Communication is so important and needs to be a continual conversation.  Here are some important topics and questions that women and couples can spend time thinking about, that can help now and in the future. 

In what way can I grow in my knowledge of fertility awareness?

Which methods of Natural Family Planning are most appealing to me as well as practical for my current state in life?

What hopes and dreams do I have for my future with regard to growing a family?

How involved would I like my spouse to be in our Family Planning Journey?

Charting fertility with the Creighton Model of FertilityCare™ allows these questions to be answered and fosters respect for both women and men, and upholds the dignity of marriage. I have seen many men take on an active role NFP, so that women do not feel alone or isolated in this endeavor.  This is so encouraging and supportive! Often, men will join in on Follow Up appointments, sometimes not saying much, but just offering gentle support, sometimes they’re in the background listening in, and sometimes they’re an active part of the conversation. Why? Because they are invited. Made to feel needed. Asked for support. One extra step that I recommend to my clients is that the woman makes her observations, and the husband does the charting. For couples that have done this, communication increases, intimacy increases, and both feel that navigating fertility is a shared responsibility. This means so much to a woman, who, until finding this method has taken on the majority of the work for family planning. And, who doesn’t want more communication? Who doesn’t want more intimacy? Who doesn’t want more LOVE!? This is all possible and even more so when the man is involved.

I cannot fail to mention the health benefits of Natural Family Planning. Some of my couples have experienced infertility, and because they are already charting, we can use the chart to identify the underlying cause of this delay in pregnancy with the help of NaProTECHNOLOGY.  It is especially in these circumstances when the husband’s involvement is incredibly reassuring for his wife. 

When a woman is charting her cycles with the Creighton Model, we are always monitoring and maintaining health! As she charts, a woman is able to identify biomarkers and patterns that are indicative of underlying health issues. So, each cycle, we look for the  overall length of the cycle, the length, pattern and intensity of bleeding during the period, intermenstrual spotting, identify the Peak day, the length of the post Peak phase, PMS symptoms, and give the mucus cycle a score. All of these biomarkers have meaning and are important. We also take into consideration the effects of stress, nutrition, and exercise. Having a trained practitioner to teach and guide a woman is an added benefit of the Creighton Model- as the support and experience is a relief when questions or concerns arise.

Before closing, I’d like to share with you the acronym SPICE that all of my clients are encouraged to practice. It is important that we pay attention, individually and as a couple to our Spiritual, Physical, Intellectual, Creative/ Communicative, and Emotional needs and wellbeing when practicing NFP.  Here are some ways you can do that:

SPIRITUAL Wellbeing

Your soul needs to be fed just like any living thing. When’s the last time you had a heart to heart with God? When’s the last time you opened your Bible and let the Word speak to you?
What’s on your heart that you need to lay down at the Lord’s feet?
When have you seen Him work in your life and what are you grateful to Him for?
What about starting a prayer journal?
How can you connect at your church? What group can you join there to help you stay rooted?
What spiritual obstacles do you need to overcome and how can you do that?
How can you work on incorporating faith into your marriage in a little way every day?

PHYSICAL Wellbeing

Your body needs to move and be fed well! How have you been good to your body today?
What kinds of food have you been eating? What do you want to eliminate? 

How can you incorporate more water, vegetables, fruits, protein and good fat? Try keeping a food journal to see where your strength and weaknesses are.
What kind of exercise works best for you? How can you fit in even just 10 minutes a day? Major benefits including brain and heart health!
Stretching strengthens muscles, relieves tension and can have a calming effect. Who doesn’t need stress relief?
How can you incorporate exercise into your relationship? Doing physical activity together can be very motivating and inspirational! And, it provides an opportunity for just plain old good quality time together.

INTELLECTUAL Wellbeing

Reading any good books lately?  There are tons of must read lists online… Check your favorite blogger for good recs! 

What interests do you have? 

Can you take an online course in something? 

What’s a new topic you’ve always wanted to know more about?

How can you incorporate the intellect into your relationship? How about a game of trivia or watching a thought provoking documentary together? 

Maybe plan brunch and a visit to your local library? 

Any walking tours in your local city?

CREATIVE Wellbeing
This can be the most challenging letter of our acronym. Most of us don’t have the opportunity to be creative too often because it’s time and money.

Do you like to draw, paint, sculpt or sew?

Sometimes there are local 1-day workshops or paint nights you can find which are fun to do alone or with friends!

Is there a room in your home that could use some fun updates?

Pinterest is wonderful for finding DIY projects that can be simple and cheap and most importantly FUN…and there’s always good sales at Hobby Lobby and Michael’s! Husband’s like to help with this stuff too!
What about planning a garden for this coming spring? You can even start growing some seedlings now!

C is ALSO for COMMUNICATION!

I googled the etymology of the word communication. Here’s the definition I like best, “The root word of Communication is the Latin word Communicare, which means to make common to many, or share. Communication is the process of sharing thoughts, ideas, and feelings with each other in commonly understandable ways.  Through the journey of tracking fertility, communication often gets lost or overlooked. Couples trying to avoid or achieve pregnancy often experience stress or frustration. This is normal in all aspects of a relationship, and it’s especially important to address desires, intentions, concerns and needs- both physical and emotional.

How can this be resolved?

Make time.
Set a time to go out for coffee. Make a dinner date reservation.
Go for a walk.
Be open to hear your spouse.
Ask them to hear you out.
No judgement, just love.
Acknowledge, affirm, assure.

E is for EMOTIONAL Wellbeing!
How’s your heart? How’s your spouse’s heart?
Expressing your inner feelings and emotions are vital to SPICE!

State of mind includes thoughts, feelings and moods that affect our ability to express our love to each other.
How can I regulate my emotions better? How can I work harder to acknowledge and appreciate my spouse?

What are recurrent negative thoughts that I may have, and how can I change them into a positive?
Do something uplifting and fun today!

In closing, know that you are wonderfully made and you are not alone! Don’t be afraid to reach out to those around you for the support and resources that you need to embrace your fertility. I am happy to available to you and honored to be a part of the BLVD Collective community!