The old wooden floors creaked as I walked past my roommate’s door to our living room. Barely 6am, in the dark of December, I plugged in the Christmas tree lights and turned on the fireplace before settling onto the couch to pray. I’d been at this routine for just a few days and yet still wished I was back in bed, but I reminded myself of the goal:

I needed to work on discipline for the sake of my soul.

In that particular moment of my life, I was dating my now-husband and the whole thing was thrilling and exhausting. On one hand, I knew this man was the one I wanted to marry and on the other hand, we weren’t married yet. The excitement of being in this relationship was often eclipsed by the shame that came with leaving chastity in the dust as we raced towards a life together.

So that Advent season — and often throughout our dating and engagement — I started exercising mastery over myself in little things in an effort to be able to do the same whenever I wanted to go further and further with my boyfriend. 

In other words, I needed to practice discipline. My soul — and his! — was in danger.

This isn’t an in-depth exhortation on chastity, but discipline and chastity do go hand in hand. Chastity involves loving well, and engaging in sin is not love. 

The problem I faced when with the love of my life was that I forgot who the *real* love of my life was; Jesus. I’d put a gift (my boyfriend) in front of the Gift Giver, God. I needed to rightly order my life again.

There were many factors that I can see contributed to that season of lust (ugh, it’s never fun calling sin exactly what it is), but one, in particular, was my lack of discipline.

Historically, the word discipline is linked to being a student under a master. As Christians we are disciples of Christ, learning from Him and desiring to become like Him. Discipline usually involves some sort of punishment to correct disobedience, and while that might seem harsh, when it comes to the Narrow Way that Jesus instructs us to walk (Matthew 7:13-14), having deterrents to leaving the path is important.

The suffering we bring upon ourselves by not following the teachings of Jesus and the Catholic Church is that our relationship with God is jeopardized. He is always there, waiting for us to return after choosing something other than Himself, but we’re the ones who pull away, putting something else above our relationship with God.

That’s exactly what I did with my boyfriend. I put him above God. I cared more about my feelings and satisfying my desires than about keeping Jesus at the center of my life.

As I said, there were a lot of reasons for my continuous sin of lust (deep wounds I didn’t know I had and the healing I desperately needed from them), but I knew that exercising discipline in small things would help build up the muscle I needed to say no to myself in those particular moments.

For the record, my boyfriend knew he needed to work on that, too, and it was the topic of discussion for both of us a lot. We really tried to help each other, including encouraging small challenges — like getting up at 6am all of Advent — to get that habit of discipline going.

In all honesty, practicing discipline in small things wasn’t the be-all, end-all answer to the issue at hand. There was a lot I needed to address but didn’t have the eyes to see at the time, things that I’ve only recently uncovered that made me realize how hard that season was for me to live through.

But practicing discipline did help. It required a commitment to mastery over myself and while I definitely wasn’t perfect, the fruit of being disciplined was evident. And it isn’t something that you only need at one point in life and never use again; discipline is a life-long adventure. Being a disciple of Christ requires discipline. No matter the stage of life, every day is an opportunity to put God first or ourselves first. We cannot serve God and mammon (Matthew 6:24). 

And the joy that comes from putting God first? Unparalleled. The stretches of my relationship that were rightly ordered are the best memories we share from dating and engagement. 

Now, in our married life, the more disciplined we are — like spending time in prayer with Jesus every day, no matter what — the more we experience peace and can see the tangible ways God is using us for His glory.

If you’re struggling to be disciplined in the big things, start small. Some of the ways I started practicing discipline are:

• Waking up at the same time every day
• Praying before anything else in the morning
• Moving my body for 30 minutes no matter what
• Making my bed every morning
• Making and actively following a budget 
• Putting my clothes where they belong instead of leaving them on the floor or in the dryer (pretty much putting anything in its rightful place!)

Doing all of these things helps order my home and my life and requires an active denial of taking the easy way on a daily and sometimes hourly basis. All these things benefit me, but doing them with love, under the guidance of how Jesus lived a life of service, is what’s really building my discipline muscles. After all, I want to become like Jesus in all ways, even the seemingly mundane ones.

I’m still learning about discipline, but sometimes I wonder what it would be like if I had been more committed to learning about it before I even met my husband. I’m sure my struggle with saying no to myself would have been less of a burden if I’d started doing it sooner. Hopefully you won’t have the same wonderings if you start now.